Taken from FB Post by STEVE SMITH, www.tennissmith.com
Tennissmith Tampa, Florida, USA firstname.lastname@example.org
My Father used to say the world would be a boring place if everyone were the same. My Mother used to say it was wrong to put people in categories. Well with that logic, not all tennis pros are in the same category, either.
1) Conference Pro
* They live to be presenters and are typically good for about an hour. Often pretend to have great programs back home.Year after year their content remains the same but is simply recycled with a different title. Sharing and selling their greatness to an out-of-town audience.
2) Brief Case Pro
* Seldom steps on court. They count bean$. Their staff meetings are never about forehands and always about finances. Save a lot on sunscreen. They choke on their type of overhead. Farm out the work and never worry about the crop of players, just the profit.
3) Kill-Ya-With-Kindness Pro
Dress well. Patiently and politely wait as ladies talk at net post. Always politically and diplomatically correct. Repeatedly say “nice shot” and “good idea.” No food stains on their warm-ups. Know all social agendas.
4) Back Slappin’ Pro
* Great for Men’s night. Their motto is “Low to high, swallow through.” Hang with guys after ball banging session to do twelve ounce curls. Good ole boys love them. Very comfortable with profanity.
5) Car Trunk Pro
* Remember the twenty-five dollar lesson costs more in the end than the forty dollar lesson. Sneak on public courts. Charge less than professionals. Hunt for discount hunters. Obtain their phantom credentials at Walmart.
6) Merchant-of-Flesh Pro
* Hang out at local tournaments. Pass out their business cards to parents whose kids can already play. Promise to sky-rocket the kids to the top with their incredible (self-proclaimed) insights. Start all sentences with I or me.
7) Nose-So-Far-Up Pro
* Sophisticated groupies. Kiss so much ass that human chocolate tastes like vanilla. Would change their last names for tournament credentials that assures them a place in the players’ lounge. Big time name-droppers.
* The older they get the better they were. Played a total of four ATP matches and act like they won all four Grand Slams. Have the egos of television broadcasters. Put themselves in their own Hall of Fame (shame). Lesson is the honor to hit with them.
9) Soap Opera Pro
* R-rated. Smooth talkers. Macho male egos. Don’t break serve but are known to break up marriages. Gold chain around their rubber neck is a give away. Sun glasses hide their eye candy evaluations. Have really a nice car. Go missing at lunchtime.
10) Trench Pro
* My favorite category. Ball hopper guys. Love the game. Never leave the court. Talk to kids and parents the same way. No hidden agendas. Dying breed. Don’t fit into the new American tennis culture. Don’t understand hit and giggle.
11) Fact-Throwing Pro
* Their facts are fiction. Pretenders not contenders. Baffle with BS. Mumbo jumbo. Tennis Tech monsters. Love to listen to themselves talk about something they don’t understand. Not too many balls hit, interferes with on-going dissertation.
12) Cheerleading Pump-Ya-Up Pro
* Masters of the one liners. Grip & rip. Load & explode. Instantly hand-out nicknames. Make twelve-year-old juniors feel like they should skip college tennis and go straight to the pros. Popular pied piper inexperienced tennis parents love.
Please note: These twelve categories are all male. There are several other categories such as: Support Pro, Total Package Pro, and Political Career Climbing Pro. Pros may fit into more than one category.
My apologies for being honest. Thanks for sharing.